wants_the_phd | Court inbox

[That's right. Linnea is always right about everything.]

Yes, you're made for each other...!

When are you shipping out?

If you mean to ask when we'll be sailing, that will have to wait whenever we are done in this place. We do still have our goals here.

What is your goal?

I'd like to secure a safe haven for the Troupe. The Elysium is a good home, but it is still inside a cave, and the Tacet Discords still pose a danger. As good as we are, not everyone is a fighter.

I believe in building things with my own hands. But for something like this, I won't mind a shortcut.

Right? Especially If you're able to achieve it by doing fun things you would have enjoyed doing anyway.

That's a sweet goal. I hope you get it someday.

[ he smiles at her, and shifts so his hand is fully holding her finger, squeezing it a little ]

What about you my friend? Here just for the thrill of exploration?

[She decides right away that she doesn't find any joy in having her finger held, so she wriggles her finger out of his grip and fully takes his hand instead, like a normal person, like he intended in the first place.]

I came here to meet interesting people, hear stories, access new libraries, learn new things... In hub worlds like this where there are people from all over, you get to see a tiny cross section of their world through the life they've lived in it. New fields of research, new breakthroughs in technology, exotic assortments of species... It helps me decide where I'll go next.

I don't think I'll actually stay here long enough to get the wish, especially with the current competition.

But if I did get a wish... I'd like to live a bit longer.

[ that first part is nice - but it's the last one that gets his attention ]

—is your lifespan short?

For my caste, it tops out at around 25 years.

That's pretty exceptional, though.

[ That's fucked up. That's literally how old he is RIGHT NOW. ]

Then I also hope you will be able to live longer.

[Imagine having the lifespan of a housecat!! Fucked up for real!!]

I'm doing my best!

--And a big part of that is NOT losing my mind and going on a rampage, picking fights with sorcerors and monster slayers and so on. I feel pretty rattled, knowing how easily that could have gone another way if I'd attacked the wrong person!

Can I ask how old you are now? Had you fought with someone else, would that have pushed you close to your limit?

I'm thirty-one.

...The truth is that I died of old age when I was twenty-eight.

A wizard I knew at the time caught my soul right after he euthanized me, and used necromancy to make a prosthetic body for it to live in.

What you're looking at isn't my original body, but it's similar, with all the same weaknesses, plus a few new ones.

I'm no stronger, more capable, or more resilient than before. It would be easy to kill me again.

[ WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE'S ALREADY DEAD. All of this is surprising to him, but it does at least mean that she's's - well. There now ]

We'll be working on that last part at least. I wouldn't want to say goodbye to you so soon either.

[the most surprising thing is that he found this out before anaxa]

[She laughs softly]

Combat training sounds cool, but really all I'd ask for is self-defense tips. I'm not interested in throwing myself into danger, I just want to read books and look at cool bugs and not be constantly scared of everything.

You'd think dying would cure you of the fear of death, but it turns out it doesn't if you still have a lot to live for.

[ Anaxa needs to know he has a walking dead buddy ]

I'd say that'd give you even more reason to be afraid of it! Having experienced it once already, surely it can't be pleasant to think about it again. Besides, aren't most people afraid of death?

Are they???? In this group of thrill-chasers, I think we'd need to take a poll. Those I've met seem to regard death more as an inconvenient bummer, but not something that would dissuade them from doing what they were going to do anyway.

That wizard I was telling you about has died at least seventeen times that I know of. And I've met people in this very place who aren't able to die at all.

I feel like the odd one out, being just a civilian.

A fair point. Now that I think about it, it makes sense that this place would attract that kind of people.

You don't strike me as the kind of person to be scared of it unless it's happening to someone else.

I don't suppose you also have personal experience with death...?

I make it a point to live my life as if there's no tomorrow. I do make plans, of course, but I don't want to have any regrets. Even the Troupe would be able to go on without me, should I ever fall. It makes it easier not to fear my own death.

[ but she's right about it being scary if it's happening to someone else ]

But then again, I think it'd be very different had I actually experienced it for myself like you did.

Well. Who knows.

[She rests her head on her knees that are drawn up against her bare chest, a sort of wistful look on her face.]

It wasn't heroic, or swift, or traumatic. It didn't happen while saving anyone, or in a dramatic fight, or in pursuit of adventure. It was a slow, inevitable hopelessness as my body fell apart a little more every day, knowing it was going to happen and there was nothing I could do about it.

[She idly caresses his hand, brushing his fingers until their hands are palm to palm. His hand is so much bigger than hers.]

We had enough warning. We made all the necessary preparations... assembled all the materials, summoned the necessary demons... even as I lost my ability to walk on my own.

And when it hurt too much, and I was starting to really suffer... I crawled into his lap, put the knife in his hand, and shut my eyes.

I didn't have to say anything else.

[...she laces her fingers in between his.]

[She gives his hand a brisk squeeze]

Reviving, though! Wow!!! Horrendous! Awful! Single worst thing I've ever experienced, hands down!

And completely worth it!

[ He doesn't know if the touch is for her own comfort, or for his own - but knowing Linnea he suspects it's the latter. And it works, because obviously he enjoys it, and by the time she laces her fingers in his, he gives her a small squeeze right back, and brushes his thumb against the back of her hand ]

I'm quite glad you were able to go along with it. Having been able to meet you has been one of the joys of coming to this place.

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