wants_the_phd | Court inbox

[the most surprising thing is that he found this out before anaxa]

[She laughs softly]

Combat training sounds cool, but really all I'd ask for is self-defense tips. I'm not interested in throwing myself into danger, I just want to read books and look at cool bugs and not be constantly scared of everything.

You'd think dying would cure you of the fear of death, but it turns out it doesn't if you still have a lot to live for.

[ Anaxa needs to know he has a walking dead buddy ]

I'd say that'd give you even more reason to be afraid of it! Having experienced it once already, surely it can't be pleasant to think about it again. Besides, aren't most people afraid of death?

Are they???? In this group of thrill-chasers, I think we'd need to take a poll. Those I've met seem to regard death more as an inconvenient bummer, but not something that would dissuade them from doing what they were going to do anyway.

That wizard I was telling you about has died at least seventeen times that I know of. And I've met people in this very place who aren't able to die at all.

I feel like the odd one out, being just a civilian.

A fair point. Now that I think about it, it makes sense that this place would attract that kind of people.

You don't strike me as the kind of person to be scared of it unless it's happening to someone else.

I don't suppose you also have personal experience with death...?

I make it a point to live my life as if there's no tomorrow. I do make plans, of course, but I don't want to have any regrets. Even the Troupe would be able to go on without me, should I ever fall. It makes it easier not to fear my own death.

[ but she's right about it being scary if it's happening to someone else ]

But then again, I think it'd be very different had I actually experienced it for myself like you did.

Well. Who knows.

[She rests her head on her knees that are drawn up against her bare chest, a sort of wistful look on her face.]

It wasn't heroic, or swift, or traumatic. It didn't happen while saving anyone, or in a dramatic fight, or in pursuit of adventure. It was a slow, inevitable hopelessness as my body fell apart a little more every day, knowing it was going to happen and there was nothing I could do about it.

[She idly caresses his hand, brushing his fingers until their hands are palm to palm. His hand is so much bigger than hers.]

We had enough warning. We made all the necessary preparations... assembled all the materials, summoned the necessary demons... even as I lost my ability to walk on my own.

And when it hurt too much, and I was starting to really suffer... I crawled into his lap, put the knife in his hand, and shut my eyes.

I didn't have to say anything else.

[...she laces her fingers in between his.]

[She gives his hand a brisk squeeze]

Reviving, though! Wow!!! Horrendous! Awful! Single worst thing I've ever experienced, hands down!

And completely worth it!

[ He doesn't know if the touch is for her own comfort, or for his own - but knowing Linnea he suspects it's the latter. And it works, because obviously he enjoys it, and by the time she laces her fingers in his, he gives her a small squeeze right back, and brushes his thumb against the back of her hand ]

I'm quite glad you were able to go along with it. Having been able to meet you has been one of the joys of coming to this place.

Haha, I bet you say that to every weird little gremlin you find in the woods.

But thanks for listening, Brant.

[ he laughs at that, but then he leans in to kiss her cheek, soft and affectionate ]

How could I not, when these weird little gremlins are so charming?

I will always listen to you. Whatever your worries, big or small, you will always find a friend in me.

But now I really should let you take that nap.

Yeah, alright.

[--is what she says. But what she does is lean toward him and rest her head against his arm.]

[She stays like that for a moment, and then another, silently staring at the water. It's probably for a little too long to explain it away as something only for his sake, but too short a time to bother commenting on it before it's over.]

[Then she gets to her feet and starts turning back to her nest.]

See you in a few hours.

[ honestly if she had just stayed there, he would likely just have let her nap right on his arm. But he will also get up and wave at her before walking back - ready to pick her up to go to the theater after a few hours ]

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